“Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.” -Harriet Beecher Stowe
When I have the feeling of giving up I often think to myself “the very moment you feel like giving up is the very moment you need to keep pushing on.” In my life I have always found this very true. There have been many, many times in my life that I’ve felt like giving up, but I didn’t. Like I wrote in my last blog post I have been dealing with extreme depression trying to let go of the past.
At one point it wasn’t just hurting me emotionally it was hurting me physically. It was dark, and I felt like there was no point in trying anymore. I then told myself I had to get out. I had to do something because laying down in my bed moping around wasn’t going to get me anywhere.
I made myself get up and go out to do something even though I didn’t feel like it. I remember I was enforced this lesson when I was 17 years old. At that time I was first diagnosed with my disorder and I felt so hopeless. I felt like nobody understood and I just wanted to die.
My mom didn’t know what to do with me. I was so bad I would beg my mom to stay with me at night because I didn’t trust myself enough not to cause harm to myself. My poor mom was up with me pretty much all day and night trying to make sure her daughter would be ok. I was a literal disaster.
I remember one day my cousin Lori paid us a visit and she came into my room. Usually around her I could keep it together. I wouldn’t act the way I did with my parents. But I remember I started cussing and saying how much I wanted to die to her. She even told me that she had never seen me like that before.
Lori then went up to my closed blinds and started to open them to let the sun in. She explained to me that I needed to do something. I had never seen my cousin Lori depressed, but seeing her try to help me out of my rut I had a sense she knew exactly how I felt. My cousin Lori was one of the toughest souls I had ever met.
I had never seen her show an emotion of sadness or weakness and this is a lady I’ve known since I was born. However; I knew then that, that was what she did to help herself. That if she let herself just mop around like I was doing she would be stuck in that place too;however, she was able to get strength to push on anyway even when she was feeling sad.
I think that’s when I heard about her death I couldn’t believe it. Because to me nothing could ever destroy her. Shoot if someone died, Lori would be the one you would go to, to talk about that kind of thing because she would make it seem so natural. That’s how she treated me overcoming this depression and she was right. I needed to quit feeling sorry for myself and take responsibility for my actions.
I’m not saying all of it will magically go away at all. I know many people are diagnosed with major depression, as I have been since I was a kid, but there are steps to helping it not be as bad. And one of those steps is to simply get up and go do something. If you just spend all your time alone, thinking to yourself..of course you are going to feel depressed.
If you make the decision to not do it and take control of the situation and go do something..even go on a walk, then I promise you it will help even if it’s just the tiniest amount. It’s just all about not giving into your thoughts that are telling you to give up. If any of you are battling these thoughts as well I challenge you to just get out of your head for a while. Go do something. Go get a coffee. Go walk around your neighborhood. Go visit with friends and family. Go shopping. Go do something fun. Just whatever you do don’t give up.
Have a great day lovelies!
As always talk again tomorrow,