“You are not your illness. You have an individual story to tell. You have a name, a history, a personality. Staying yourself is part of the battle.”
– Julian Seifter
Today I titled today’s blog after one of my favorite bands Matchbox 20. Throughout my childhood til today I can listen to one of their songs and it’s like it was written for me. Rob Thomas is a lyrical genius and no one can convince me otherwise. This song in particular I could just sing along too and it got me.
Being eight years old and already diagnosed with major depression and anxiety I felt very isolated. I went through many things in my childhood that no one else could relate to with two mentally ill parents and an autistic sibling. I couldn’t relate to everyone else’s normal lives. My cousins would always tell me how ‘normal’ I was compared to my family. How somehow I turned out okay even though I didn’t have an ideal childhood at all. I’m in no way saying I don’t love my family, I love them more than anything, but many things I went through during my childhood left many damages that I have to constantly try to get past.
You know I’m 23 years old, but many times I still feel like that little girl who was labeled a freak because of her family. I still feel sometimes like I’m my ‘depression’ or my ‘anxiety’. But the truth is your family background, your wealth, your illnesses (mental or physical), what people say about you…it’s not you. We let all these things define who we are, but they don’t have that power unless we give them that power.
“I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell.”
This relates to how I feel about having a mental illness. I have mental issues, but that doesn’t that is just something that effects me. It’s not who I am. So many times I have trouble remembering it’s not my identity just something I suffer from. Today has been one of those days. Sometimes I beat myself up because I made this blog to be a positive person and then when depression comes along and hits me hard it makes me feel like a failure. However; I’m not. I’m growing everyday little by little. Just because I deal with depression doesn’t destroy what I’ve accomplished by doing this.
I’m here to tell you all that you are not these things in your life that bring you down. You are who is underneath it all and is the person who is still going no matter what. Ignore all this other crap and get to know who you really are. With all issues aside. You are beautiful! Never forget that!
Talk to you all tomorrow,