Positively Optimistic Day #93- Fighting for Your Life

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“Start by doing what’s necessary, then do what’s possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.” – Francis of Assisi

Today I wanted to take a chance to write about something pretty hard for me to talk about. I feel like if I talk about it though it will hopefully help one of you out there reading this and hopefully myself in the process. I’ve been open and honest with you all that I have dealt heavily with suicidal thoughts and tendencies. What I haven’t been open with is I still deal with suicidal thoughts.

My life has really turned around. I’ve got down to my idea weight. I eat healthy. I’ve made great friends. I got an amazing boyfriend! I got a job and a roof over my head. I have family who I know is there for me. I have this incredible blog where I’ve grown so much through and of course all of you wonderful readers who follow me on this journey!

Yet with all of there wonderful things I still with many inner demons. I’d lie and say if I don’t still struggle with feeling like everyone would be better off without me or how I could end my life. It’s been something I’ve felt for a very long time. I’ve seen therapists to help me through this and have taken medicine for it. In the back of my mind I thought if I just did one thing it would make all the pain go away.

The matter of it all is that there is no one thing that’s just going to make it all go away. The pain may never go away entirely. What I can do though is use every skill I have learned and apply it to my life. What I can do is bring in people and things in my life that motivate me. What I can do is set goals in my life to make my life feel like it’s worth living. What I can do is to do things for myself to show self love.

Life isn’t perfect and neither are we. At the end of the day we are all just human. And sometimes all we can do is just simply not give up. I can’t tell you how many times in my past I would just sleep to just not have to deal with the pain that was there. Some of the greatest accomplishments I have made is just deciding to get out of bed.

That may seem small to some but I don’t care. It’s big to me because every thing no matter what you do to take a step towards the right path is huge. I want you all to never, ever feel like taking just a little step in the right direction is too small. No- celebrate that! Celebrate you are taking one step closer to getting where you want to go.

Tonight I went on another walk and something just came over me. I just felt love. I felt a since of hope I haven’t felt since I’ve been a child. It was like God was right there telling me that everything is going to be alright. Like he was giving me a hug filled with so much love. In that moment everything seemed so beautiful! I stopped looking at all my problems for a second and just stopped to appreciate and be grateful for everything around me.

I started looking at how beautiful the sky was. How lucky I was to have certain people in my life. It then made my depression fade away. All because I made a decision to go out and walk instead of feeling sorry for myself.

I want to challenge you all if you all battle anything like depression like me or are just going through such a hard time I just dare you to do something. Go do something positive. You may not feel like it or feel like you don’t deserve it even. But I dare you to do it anyway. Get up out of that bed! Do something that will help you. Because you deserve it.

Much love and I’ll talk again tomorrow,

Amber ❤️❤️❤️

Positively Optimistic: Day #92- One Step at a Time

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“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.”-Lao Tzu

Today I went on a walk with a lot on my mind about my future. I was frustrated looking at where my life is compared to where I want it to be. Sometimes it feels like I’m just going no where.

I thought about this and I realized many people my age and older feel this same way. We see where we want to be, but we’re not there yet and it’s frustrating. You just see the vision and all you wish was that there was a magic button you could hit to just be there already.

Even though this idea is such a tempting idea. I want you and I to challenge it though. I want us to instead of viewing that we are not there as a bad thing, view it as a good. Life is truly a journey and the journey to get you to where you are going is what’s important.

If we got where we wanted to go automatically life would be boring. Also being able to go through different things on your path makes you discover yourself better. I know I wouldn’t have as good of an understanding of myself if I didn’t go through many things in my life.

I might sometimes think “why can’t I be at this point in my life already?” But then I remember life is a journey not a destination. The ride to where you’re going is more important than you’re actually stop because you learn so much more through that.

My advice to all of you is just take everyday one step at a time. Set goals and go after what you want but at the same time just enjoy the ride you take to get there.

Thanks for listening and I’ll talk again tomorrow,

Amber ❤️❤️❤️

Positively Optimistic Day #91- Dark Side

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“The more we deny that we have a dark side, the more power it has over us.”-Sheryl Lee

It’s funny you watch movies like Star Wars and you hear the terms “Don’t go to the dark side.” I never really thought about it before, but that really resembles life. Whether we all want to admit it or not we all have a dark side. Some people’s dark sides just show more than others, but we all do in fact have one. And sometimes it’s hard not to go to that place.

My dark side has always been my depression. I’ve been open and honest on here about my struggle battling depression since I was a child. However; you all would not believe how some people drop you when they realize you deal with it. Luckily many people have stuck by my side even at the darkest times of my life. That being said though I have lost a whole lot of people too because they weren’t willing to stick by me when they realized I had a dark side.

Sometimes I get mad at myself and think “well if I wasn’t depressed I wouldn’t have lost those people.” Which may have some truth to it, but on the same token if those people had to leave because depression and not see all the other specialness I have about me..then they aren’t worth my tears. When people really love you/ care about you they are still going to be there for you no matter what. They may not like your dark side, but they look past it to see the true beauty that lies there. And they keep on loving you regardless of it.

Now keep in mind I’m not saying stay in an abusive relationship or let someone’s dark side bring you down constantly. You can still really love/ care about a person and need to have distance from them or cut them out of your life if it gets to an extremely toxic point. What I’m trying to say is if someone can’t except you for all of you; not just the pretty stuff then they are not worth it. I can’t tell you how many times I accepted others for their dark sides, but then when I asked them to accept mine they wouldn’t. It hurt..but now I can look back and be grateful, because I realized those people didn’t look past my dark side into who I really am.

You want people who accept you for everything not just what you post on Instagram. You are much more than a Facebook post, a picture, money, popularity, etc. We are all humans and our lives are much more than just the ‘nice things’. Life is also about the hard things like loss, pain, heart-break, and our dark sides. Of course we don’t like these things and we should not try to intentionally have them happen, but they are a part of life just as the great things in life are.

What I want to tell you all is that maybe you’re afraid other people are not going to accept your darkness, and you might be right some people may not, but the right people will. The ones that matter will love you through both your light and dark. So if you feel like no one is ever going to accept you for everything..I’m here to tell you there’s people out there that will. So I challenge you all to go out there are shine your bright lights, but don’t be scared of your darkness is going to scare everyone away. You will find those that will stay.

Until tomorrow,

Amber ❤️❤️❤️

Positively Optimistic Day #90- The Time Traveler

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If we experienced life through the eyes of a child, everything would be magical and extraordinary. Let our curiosity, adventure and wonder of life never end.- Akiane Kramarik

You ever put on an old song and just get brought back to another time? I love when I can just put my music on and it’s like I’m time traveling. It’s like I’m going back in time when I first heard that song. The feelings that I felt years ago suddenly come rushing back.

Today I’ve been listening a lot to the Grease soundtrack and that movie brings back so many memories for me. It was the first musical I ever watched and me and my mom would watch it over and over again when I was a little girl. When I listened to it today it’s like I went back in time to the first time I watched the movie with my mom and we sung along to the music. It still gives me the same happy energy that I felt when I was a small child.

I think that’s one reason I really love music as much as I do. It can give you such a special feeling. Honestly it’s one of the best feelings in the world to me when I can hear an old song come on, on the radio that I haven’t heard in years and just feel that same feeling I felt years ago come over me again. To me that’s just amazing.

I also get that feeling when I watch an old movie or t.v. show. It’s like this extreme nostalgia comes over me. It sounds weird but when I feel this old, nostalgic feeling I wonder how the old me would view my life now. I try to view things from a different perspective. It’s like “how would I think of this situation if I was still a child?”

If you all haven’t tried doing this before I highly suggest it. It’s really cool trying to look at world through the lens of a child. What’s so beautiful about children is when something happens to them it’s brand new and they have this cool perspective of the world. Then sadly their perspective tends to get warped by other people’s perspective. So instead of viewing something as they want to view it they start viewing it the way other people do because they feel like that is the “right way” of viewing something. Which I think is pretty messed up.

Today I want to dare all of you to look at something in your life as a child would- like it was the first time. Stop letting others morph your idea of how something should be or feel. Have your own perspective. View things like it’s your first time ever viewing it. Shut everyone else’s voices out and just listen to your own voice. Let your feelings be like when you heard a song for the first time as a child. Challenge yourself to go back in time with your perspective.

Thank you all for reading!

Talk again tomorrow,

Amber ❤️❤️❤️

Positively Optimistic Day #89- I’ll Show You

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“Every time I step onto the stage, it’s not only proving to the audience that I’m capable but to myself.”-Misty Copeland

I don’t know about all of you, but throughout my life I’ve been told I can’t do things. I’ve been told I wasn’t good enough. Some people might take people saying these things and go down a destructive path. However; most of my life I have used the hateful things people have said about me and proved them wrong.

Some people might wonder how I’ve found motivation. And I just have to admit much of it comes from wanting to prove people wrong. When I was first losing weight for example I would just think about the names people had called me. When I did this I found I could push myself harder. Especially when exercising. I could hold on longer because of my strive to prove those people wrong. I would also notice I could stop myself from eating bad food choices by using this method as well.

Today I want you all to think about something negative someone said to you and use your energy to prove them wrong. Now this being said they are already wrong about you. Their mean words do not define you. What I’m trying to say is use it to fuel your fire. Use their negative energy and turn it into something positive.

You can look throughout history and you will see that about all the greatest names that ever existed were told they couldn’t do something or were told they weren’t enough. Instead of going into a sea of self pity though they used it as fuel to do something absolutely incredible.

If you are feeling down about what people have said or how they have treated you just keep in mind that most of the greatest felt that same way. But like them you have to make a decision. Are you going to let it defeat you or are you going to use it to do great things? The choice is yours lovelies! Just know you deserve all the success in the world and don’t just prove to others you can do it…prove it to yourself!!

Sorry this blog is short today everyone. I’m on such a lack of sleep right now haha.

But like always I’ll talk to you all tomorrow,

Amber ❤️❤️❤️

Positively Optimistic Day #88- Growing Together

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“Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning.”- Benjamin Franklin

Over the years I have found that the people that you’re around can really influence you. They can influence you either in a negative way or positive way. Or sometimes both.

Let me give you an example that could go either way. For example you are trying to lose weight and you have friends around you that will influence your journey. On one extreme your friends could hinder your progress by always bringing you junk food or always wanting you to go out to eat. Or you could have friends that encourage and motivate you. Maybe they want to lose weight to do they start going walking with you. Or your one friend might already be on their fitness journey and can help you learn ways to achieve your goals.

This is just one example, but as you can see by that the people you’re around can really influence you. I feel that’s why many people turn to unhealthy things like drugs. It may not be because of peer pressure, but it might just always be around you so it’s harder not to try it when it’s just always there in front of you. It’s like if someone would dangle a candy bar in front of you everyday.

The people you’re around can really have an influence over you whether you realize it or not. I’ve seen it countless times in my life and other people’s lives. One example from my own life is that my mom is a very negative person. I love my mom to pieces, but this is just how she is. I remember going from a happy, go lucky child to an extremely negative one. I’m not blaming everything on my mother, but I do acknowledge that I watched her a lot and picked up on her bad, negative habits.

Later on down the road I saw how destructive it was for me and decided to change my old negative habits. Which I’m still working on haha. I have learned that even though I love my mom more than words can express I have to limit how much time I talk to her if she’s being negative, because I know that’ll bring me down. I want to stress never feel bad for having to put a limit or in more drastic cases cut someone out because of what it’s doing to you.

In one of my past relationships it was very abusive and I stayed in it thinking that I could help that person change, but like my mom preached to me (and I didn’t listen about) you can’t change a person. It has to be that persons choice to change.

However; you can help a person grow. In fact that’s one thing I love about the relationship I’m in now. We challenge each other to do better and be the best versions of ourselves. But we don’t try to change each other. We just inspire each other to do better and that’s what a healthy relationship is about. Regardless of if it’s a romantic relationship or not you should surround yourself with people who help bring you up, not down.

I understand if you have some circumstances where you can’t get out of people bringing you down. Like if you’re under 18 and can’t leave your house. In that case just do your best to ignore whatever negative thing they are influencing and look outside your home to find people to help you grow. That is one thing that really helped me get through when I was younger. I found people to help motivate me to be better and help me grow.

My challenge to all of you today is to look at the people you have in your life and really ask if they bring you up or down. I also want you to think the other way around. Do you bring positive energy to others? If not I dare you to go out and find people who will help encourage you. And if you could improve start now. What are you waiting for? You have so much good to offer this world darlings!

I hope you all have a great day today!

I’ll write you all again tomorrow,

Amber ❤️❤️❤️

Positively Optimistic Day #87- Appreciate Your Self

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“Beauty is when you can appreciate yourself. When you love yourself, that’s when you’re most beautiful.”- Zoe Kravitz

I feel like many, MANY of my posts have to do with growing your confidence. The reason why is because I have personally struggled with it to the extreme and I know how much your confidence can effect your life.

In one of my posts I wrote not to long ago I talked about how you should just rock what you have physically. That if you think you look beautiful then no one else’s opinions matter. That the way you look is unique and you should embrace it to the max. After all no one else in the world looks like you..so show those lovely features you have off. Screw whether the media or people tell you it’s not beautiful..you make it beautiful by just showing your confidence in it. And by showing your confidence people will start noticing that and come your way.

Today I wanted to take this a little farther than your physical appearance though. Love the things that have nothing to do with what you look like. Because in all honesty looks only get you so far and as you get older they will fade. So it’s very important to love yourself besides your outside appearance.

I want you to think about what makes you, you. What is different about you that you love about yourself? This can be as random or as strange as you want it to be. Here is a weird example of myself. I like things crunchy. I remember as a little girl my mom would make spaghetti and I’d have my dad heat it up in the microwave multiple times to give it that crunch. He would always find it weird or even tell me I couldn’t eat it like that, but regardless he would still do it anyway for me. As strange as that example is I love that about myself because I’m still like that today and it’s a weird quirk I’ve always had about myself.

I also want you all to think about your personality. What do you love about it? I personally love that I love to help motivate others. If someone is down or feeling like they can’t do something I love being able to show them a little of what I see in them. And tell them all the special traits about them. For you maybe you’re funny. Or maybe like me you make yourself laugh. And to be honest that’s all that matters. If you can crack up at your own lame jokes I feel like that’s a very confident trait.

If you can’t think of anything you are confident in yourself with go out and try something. Go pick up a hobby for example. You may never know you could find your calling by trying something new. While you grow confident by doing it. And if you don’t like it you can always find something else to do and find confidence in.

My challenge for all of you reading this is discover the beauty that is you. Inside and out you are beautifully, and wonderfully made. From the top of your head to your toes. There is no one else in the world that can be you except you so go out and show yourself off. Show off your amazing smile. Slow off your bubbly personality. Show off your crazy guitar skills. Show off your writing that you’re meant to share with the world. Whatever makes you, you let it shine out for all to see.

Talk to you all tomorrow,

Amber ❤️❤️❤️