The first word I ever learned to spell was no. I know quite “impressive.” I learned this word by doing what almost all younger siblings excel at and that is annoying their older sibling. I forget exactly what I was annoying my sister about, but I remember the moment she told me “N-O spells no Amber.” Then like clockwork I then started annoying her by mocking her and saying “N-O spells no”. It then occurred to me that I had just spelled my first word and I felt this sense of accomplishment. I then kept repeating it for all to hear.

Little did I know that this first word I ever spelled would have another significant meaning to my life. No may be a simple word to say or spell; however, this small word is extremely powerful. This little “two lettered” word represents an incredible amount. Even though no was the first word I ever spelled it was the hardest word for me to ever say. My fellow people pleasers you can probably relate to me on this. Saying no is so simple to say yet we find it challenging to find the will power to let it out of our mouths because of what saying no will mean.

Growing up I could never say no to anybody. The reason why was that I didn’t want to disappoint anybody. I thought that if I said no to someone that it would disappoint them and that they wouldn’t like me anymore. I then got really good at saying the word “yes” a whole lot. I would say “yes” to things I didn’t really want to do or agree with because I was just wanting to be liked and feel accepted. As I’ve grown though I’ve realized that this was the wrong way of thinking. I was undervaluing myself and what I believed and put what others thought way above my own opinion. One day something snapped in me and I realized that by me not saying “no” was not expressing who I really was and that by saying “yes” all the time made people like someone who wasn’t truly who I was.

The funny thing about all of this is when I finally started saying the word no more in my life that people were more drawn to me. It was because I was more in my own frame. When you live as a people pleaser you are hardly ever in your own frame because you are too busy trying to get approval from someone else’s instead. The truth is you are more magnetic to people when you have your own opinions, when you have the confidence to say no. I mean think about it for a minute what sounds more attractive: a person who needs others approval to be validated and lives to make others happy or a person who doesn’t give a crap what others think and is unapologetically themselves no matter what.

It was like a massive breath of fresh air when I realized that it was okay to be different. Just because your friend likes strawberries doesn’t mean you have to. Just because someone wants you to do a favor for them doesn’t mean you have to do it. You can say no. And guess what happens when you say no to something ? You still move on. You still breathe. You are still ok.

Now you may be asking this question “But what if my friend, family member, significant other, etc. doesn’t like when I say no or disagree with them?” I then would like to throw another question back at you and ask “why would you want anyone in your life that doesn’t fully accept you as you are?” The thing with saying no is that you could find that some people may exit your life because they liked you better when they had power over you. The thing with that is though that is a huge blessing in disguise. Those are the kind of people who you don’t want in your life anyway because they are just using you. I’ve come to the terms in my life that I much rather be disliked for who I am than loved for just taking the punches from people.

If you are a people pleaser or a recovering one like me I want to challenge you all to say no to something. It can be something very simple or something more big. Whatever situation it is I want you to say no to stand firm in what you don’t want. I promise you it will feel good. It may be difficult at first to start developing that “no” muscle; however, it will get so much easier the more you practice. Remember you are worth saying “yes” to the things you want in life and saying “no” to those things that you don’t.