If I could say one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned so far this year is the power of letting go. Throughout my life I hate to admit it, but I have been a bit of a control freak (okay — more than a bit- haha). Growing up as a child I always felt like my life was chaotic, and the way that I would always try to cope would be to try to take control of situations. I put so much responsibility on myself that I would blame myself if things spiraled out of control even when I had nothing to do with it. I felt like if I could just work harder or be better somehow that would fix everything. As a child I saw the people I loved deeply struggle with their demons and I put it on myself to try to fix everything for them.

When I could help someone, it was like my brain would get this high off of being able to make things better for others, but when I couldn’t help them that’s when I developed self-destructive habits. It became like an addiction that followed me throughout my life. I would attract family members, friends, romantic partners, etc. that I felt like I needed to help. I felt internally that if I could help them somehow then I would be more valuable in their eyes — then I could finally be enough, and that I could save someone I cared about and make them see what I saw in them.

The problem is 1.) that is a form of manipulation (even though I didn’t see it that way and my intentions were not malicious by any means), 2.) you cannot make anyone change, or make them see the potential you see in them, and 3.) how valuable you are has nothing to do with what you can do for people (you have value for just simply existing). Even though it is one of the things I love the most about myself is that I see so much beauty in others and believe in others so much. With that same token though it doesn’t mean because I can see that I should try to control how they “should be”. The real ironic part about that is I could not see that for myself. I could never see the beauty or potential in myself.

It then occurred to me one day that maybe all the love and potential that I give to others I should give back to myself, and that maybe I should let go of how I think others should live their life to the fullest, not because I don’t love them or care, but because I’m not them and just because I think their life would be better if they lived it a certain way, doesn’t mean I have a right to tell them how to live their life, and maybe how I think how they should live their life is not what they want — and you know what — that is totally okay and valid. You can love people, see who they could be, but that does not mean it’s your responsibility to shape them into that potential, and even if you can get that person to see that, you cannot make them change. They have to decide that for themselves. Yes, it can be heart breaking to see others you care about go down certain paths, but you are not their savior. You cannot save them. The only person you can save is yourself (except if you are a doctor or something then, yes, you do save people, but I don’t mean in a physical sense).

This lesson for me has been life changing. I have seen my life shift and change more than I ever have throughout my life because of this realization. I realized I can let go of control of situations and people. I don’t have to try to be like a dog walker trying to take 5 dogs on a walk at the same time. The only thing I have control and power over is myself and choose how I want to live my own life. I can let go of the idea of what I have for others and how I think certain situations have to play out, I can just let them be them and invest that time and energy into myself instead.

It’s funny that when you release that need for control that your life starts to open up so much more. That you attract opportunities and people that align more with you, and the people that you were trying to help (control) respect you more, because you let them be them and love them for where they are at. When you learn the art of letting go, then you become free. When you release your need for control your life becomes so much more fun and beautiful than you could have ever imagined. All you need to do is let go.