I Don’t Feel Like It

Hey Dreamers,

Life for me lately has felt like it has all come crashing down. When I say crashing down I mean –literally. I was in a really bad car accident a few weeks ago. I was driving home from work and a car was stopped in the middle of the highway. I ended up slowing down and stopping for the vehicle, but the car behind me wasn’t paying attention and in full speed crashed into my car pushing my car into the car in front of me.

My airbags went off and smoke floated in my car. My leg felt like it was cut up really bad. It took me a bit to gather the courage to try to get out of my car as we were in the middle lane of the highway and I could hear other cars honking and going around me. After a few minutes I gathered the courage to try to get out of my car. My door was hard to open, but I managed to get it to open. I went and checked the car in front of me and fortunately no one else got injured just a little shaken up. I would feel more injuries later after the accident, but fortunately I didn’t die or have a broken bone which was really a miracle.

This all had left me very shaken up and now car less. I tried staying very positive regardless and keep going on like I always do. But then I received a text message from my boyfriend that he had in fact cheated on me. I immediately started bawling. I was in shock. My boyfriend had knew everything I was going through with the accident — the pain, the sadness of losing my car, and the stress I was going through. He had been such a huge support during the time the accident had happened, but then a few days later he would decide to cheat on me knowing everything I was already going through.

I sat on my bed just feeling so defeated. I talked to some of my friends and the phone and just cried out to them. I couldn’t understand why this was all happening now and how to process it all. I told myself though I was just going to let myself have the rest of the day to cry or feel mad or however I needed to feel, but the voice that lives inside me reminded me that tomorrow I’m not going to feel like it, but I’m going to get up and keep going anyway.

I’ve lived through enough in my life to know that if I don’t push myself to keep on going that I just won’t. I will let myself process my feelings and feel what I need to feel, but I will always make sure that I keep on going even on the days I don’t feel like it.

I was thinking today how this same concept can go for about anything in life. Sometimes we let our feelings control what we will do. I notice this in less drastic ways such as: I don’t feel like doing homework, I don’t feel like working out, I don’t feel like getting out of bed, etc. But if we don’t push ourselves to do certain things we would never get where we want to go. We have to be a mini drill sergeant. We have to be that voice inside of ourselves that tells us to keep on going even when we feel like we can’t go anymore.

It’s no lie that sometimes during all of the pain over these last few weeks that I felt like I just wanted to go crawl in a hole and cry forever, but then that little mini sergeant tells me “Get back up.” And amazingly I’ve found that when I make myself do this I feel better. Everything may not go away all at once. It’ll honestly probably take a while to heal, but the fact that I keep pushing myself pushes me into the right direction. I know I’ll also go through challenging times in the future and that I’ll find tasks I don’t feel like doing (such as dishes..ugh lol) but I will continue to push myself to do it all because I will just lay in bed in self pity not getting anything accomplished. That simple thing of just pushing past the feeling can change your life. I know this because I’ve lived it. I know what it’s like to give in to the feelings and not get out of bed for days. The more you push past the “I don’t feel like it feelings” and do it anyway the more your life will get better. This can be big or simple things in your everyday life, but the overall point is that we are never going to feel like doing something we know we need to do, so knowing that information we need to make ourselves do it or we just won’t.

I hope this message speaks to one of you out there!

Much love,

Amber

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